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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Finally, I finish the report, and I’m feeling a bit proud. I send it off, and then I decide to treat myself. I head to that little gelato place on de Koppeling. You know the one? They have the best pistachio flavor. I order a scoop, and as I’m enjoying it, I see the sunset over the canal. It’s beautiful, and for a moment, everything feels right.

VVD wants an asylum seeker center specifically for LGBTIQ+ people in Nieuwegein